cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
