I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
