so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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