did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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