think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
