I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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