I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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