THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
