Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
