Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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