who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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