if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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