She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
