I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
