from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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