1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
