he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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