and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
