Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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