How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
