Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
