Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
