matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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