Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
