he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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