Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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