then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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