The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
