Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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