how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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