I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Alive.
So much puke
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
