I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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