I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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