there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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