oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
