When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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