I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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