i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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