It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
