Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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