she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize