I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Bring me that man meat
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
