cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
