How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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