I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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