I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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