I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
