you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize