so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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