who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's get the cat blown out
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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