My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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