Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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