Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
