Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper