who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead