The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.