How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back