I could make wine with my vomit
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.