Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?