Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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