I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
