I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
