I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Boobs speak an international language.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
