Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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